Spring

I haven't felt up to getting back to a "regular" post yet. It seems like life is still in limbo. Spring moves on, projects move forward, new goals have been made and there is such an empty space around all of it. It used to be that there wasn't anything that Jay and I did that my Dad didn't have a hand in or advice to give. I always got along great with my Dad and always appreciated his interest in us. Now that he is gone I do not have to look far to find him. He is in the play house he helped design and build for the kids, a forever structure that will hold many memories, secrets, and stories. He is in our house, our yard, our driveway, our plants, and even on our roof. He did so much for us. I have missed him so much this spring. He spent so much time outdoors, and now we sadly pull weeds, mow yards, switch horses for cows, and try to find other ways to cut down the work load. I get teary eyed every time an improvement is made that my Dad would have liked to see get done. Just last weekend Jay improved my Moms sprinkler system, and now it is watering a spot in the yard that every year my Dad would add grass seed to and drag a sprinkler out to. That spot never grew grass. I will be both sad and proud when it does.
I often gave my Dad a hard time about keeping his garage a mess or just generally keeping too much stuff around. Now that he is gone, I do not notice his mess, just his absence. I notice what he left us was peace and stability. We live on a portion of the property he bought 15+ years ago. When we moved out here in jr high I complained that we had too much work to do, too many weeds, too much dust. Now I see the kids out on adventures, four wheeling, cows grazing, enough space for any dream to come to life. Most of all I notice how peaceful it is out here and how safe my kids are. I don't worry about traffic or strange people. This is all thanks to the dream of my Dad.
The kennel always seemed like a less than ideal idea of my parents. My Dad made it happen. Now my Mom has stability at a time that otherwise would have been very difficult to find a job. It has supported my family for a time, my brothers, and two of my sisters. It is a blessing! He made it a priority to better his family, and worked very hard to do so.
If I could leave even 1/10 behind to my family that my Dad left us it will be a proud moment for me. I am thankful to not have any regret moments in my relationship with my Dad. I just heard a song about things the girl should have said, and have a soft spot for all of the people who have guilt about that sort of thing. Treat people well while you have them.